I'm pretty sure this happens to everyone. You are asleep. You are dreaming. And it is a good dream. Scratch that, it is a GREAT dream. Something you think is outside of your grasp in reality just drops into your lap, and it makes you unbelievably happy. Then, just as suddenly as it appears, it is ripped away from you. Someone or something grabs you out of that beautiful dream. As you realize that it was all an illusion, you are gripped by a mixture of sadness and anger.
This is what happened to me this morning. I have mentioned on this blog before a guy I simply called "N." The Cliff's Notes version of that story is that he is a guy I fell for hard and fast and I'm still not really over him. Every time I see him, relapse central. Anyway, back to the story. I had a dream about him. Nothing salacious, but what was good about it is that we were in bed together. I remember turning towards him and touching his hand and just caressing it. Both of us were smiling and rarely have a felt as happy in my waking life as I did at that moment. Then, the bane of my existence, my alarm clock, ripped me out of that happy moment. That mix of anger and sadness was on me immediately.
Of course this is not the first time this has happened to me. It has happened a number of times. Every time, it is extremely frustrating. But when I think about it, at least in terms of the big picture, I have to wonder if some part of my mind is telling me something. I suppose I could say I have a hunch as to what I was to get from this particular incident, but it requires some context. At some point, hopefully in the near future, I'll tell the story (such as it is) between he and I, although I hope/don't think that story has had its conclusion yet.
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