Olympic Disappointment

Normally I really look forward to the Olympics with excitement. However, with the opening ceremonies mere hours away, I find myself really disappointed.

As you should know by now, the Games are in Sochi, Russia. Russia last year passed a bunch of anti-gay laws that make the country quite dangerous for gay people and LGBT allies. Free speech and freedom of association have gone out of the window there. This, however, is old news (yet still sad of course).

Pretty much every story I’ve heard about the conditions in Sochi are terrible. There are stories about stray dogs being rounded up and systematically euthanized. It sounds like a canine Holocaust. Also, the hotels are in terrible condition. People who worked on building the venues, many of whom are Uzbeki people driven into Russia, have not been paid. This depressing list goes on and on, and it has taken away most of my usual enthusiasm for the Games this year.

I will say that there is one part of this Games that I’m still looking forward to: the Ice Dance event. I’m really hoping that Meryl Davis and Charlie White win the gold. They’re the reigning silver medalists (the reigning gold medalists will be competing too), they’re the reigning world champions, the reigning Grand Prix champions, they’re undefeated this season. They have put together some really great programs and I love their skating to bits. My one wish for the outcomes of these Games is that they bring home the gold. I’m far too invested in this for my own good. I’ll leave you with the programs they’ll be bringing to the Olympics (these performances are from U.S. Nationals, which they also won.

Short Dance:

Free Dance:

Other than this, I'm pretty much checked out of these Winter Games. Call me again in 2018.

Super Bowl Sunday

The good news: I have to be at work early which means I'll get out early in plenty of time to make some arrangements to see the game. The bad news: it snowed today which will make getting to work...interesting. Can't win them all I suppose...

After the AFC/NFC championships, I was torn about which team to cheer for since I have no particular love or hatred towards either team (the Ravens and the 49ers). I needed a tie-breaker, which ended up being Brendon Ayanbadejo (HERE is the why). So I decided to be a temporary Ravens fan. I still had no particular animus towards the 49ers though...until all of that Chris Culliver stuff went down this past week (he said some homophobic things, issued a half-assed "apology" which I didn't buy, and then went on camera for a more formal "apology"). The final nail in the proverbial coffin was when two players from the 49ers didn't recall being in an "It Gets Better" video. I won't rehash that whole thing, you can read about it HERE. Needless to say I went from wanting a simple win to wanting an annihilation of the 49ers.

Did I mention that the 49ers booted the Packers from the playoffs? Yeah, there's that too.

On another note, I have to say that over the past few years, I have had little to no anticipation for the Super Bowl commercials. call me crazy, but I tune in for the actual game and not the ads or the halftime show. Maybe I was a bad gay for not giving two shits for Madonna's performance during the last Super Bowl halftime, but it did nothing for me. With all of this additional crap, a Sunday night game that starts 2 hours earlier (6:30) than a normal Sunday night game will probably still end after 11.

Anyway, I have beer and I'll be having some very unhealthy food. Let's get this started.

LET'S GO RAVENS!!!

A Conservatives' Guide to Staying in the Closet

Film Shorts: "Curious Thing" Trilogy

The first of these videos I had posted earlier, but thought it was worth re-posting them all together, that and I just found out that it was actually a trilogy.

It Getteth Better

A Change of Mind...Maybe

I was downtown at a bar watching the Green Bay Packers play (and defeat) the Chicago Bears two weeks ago with one of my managers and two other guys. I forget exactly what we were talking about, but one of the other guys said something to the effect of using the word "gay" in a derogatory manner. Yeah, I know this happens all the time. I paused for a split second thinking of how to react. Before I got the chance my manger said something like "Why does it have to be gay?" This is pretty much what I was about to say. He said it with something of a smile on his face.

I guess I should put his reaction into better context. Some months ago, HE used the word "gay" in a derogatory manner in my presence. The general manager and I both got on his case about it (even though the GM was involved, it wasn't a situation where his job was in jeopardy, we were using it more as a teaching moment). Without going into too much detail, I gave the arguments for not using that word in that context that you usually hear: it's offensive, it implies that being gay is bad even if that isn't how you meant it, etc. Since then, he hasn't used that word (at least not around me).

So back to the present. The way he said it, without me saying anything, yet with something of a smile on his face, I'm not sure if he was standing up for me (even though I was not directly being addressed) or if he was making a joke (which isn't really how I want to phrase that, but I can't think of a better way). I'm not really sure how to read the situation, although I know this guy isn't a homophobe. Maybe I have actually had a positive influence on someone's views of what gay people go through. Or maybe I'm doing my usual thing and reading into this too much.

A Mother's Plea: Dealing With Bullies

Last night, I received a tweet from a mother asking what she should do about her gay son being bullied in school. While I did respond to her via Twitter, this is obviously an issue that cannot be adequately addressed 140 characters at a time. Though this is addressed to her specifically, this goes for anyone - parent, family member, friend, whatever - who is, or knows someone who is, in a similar situation.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably say that there is only so much that I can say from personal experience. I lucked out. Between not being out in school and (I guess) not being "stereotypical" enough to ping on most people's gaydar, I did not have to deal with anti-gay bullying. That said...

The over-arching theme of how to deal with this is keeping your son from falling into a hopeless despair. He must know that he is loved. He must know that his life has value and is not hopeless. You have to do whatever it takes to keep him from falling into emotional despair. Most, if not all, of the young people who have committed suicide because of anti-gay bullying did so because they thought there was no hope of escape from the abuse. This must be prevented. Surround him with loving family and friends who care about him regardless of his sexual orientation. If therapy or a support group needs to be found, those are other options to be considered.

You have to get the school involved (which has apparently happened). While, unfortunately, schools tend to have a bad track record on this issue, not telling them what is going on won't help. This means talking to ALL of his teachers, the principal and other administrators, even the school district superintendent if you have to. If they don't listen, do NOT hesitate to threaten legal action. Schools are supposed to be safe havens for learning, not gauntlets. There are legal groups who would be willing to help you and your son (some may do it pro bono).

Virginia Tech, my alma mater

Let him know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Though there is discrimination everywhere, once he gets out of the bubble that is high school, it's a whole different ball game. Going to college, particularly one that is gay-friendly, will open up a whole new world. University is a great place where he can find open-minded people as well as other LGBT people his age (hopefully a good boyfriend too). They can be part of his support system.

Neil Patrick Harris & husband David Burtka

It is also important for him, and you, to know the mind of a bully. Bullies, generally, are cowards. They find it easier to put other people down to build themselves up. Most of them have their own personal problems. Sometimes, people resort specifically to anti-gay bullying because they are struggling with their own sexuality. It is a story I have heard many times. It even happens in adulthood (look at all of the gay sex scandals that constantly rock anti-gay politicians). Be aware of the pathology of bullies and it will go a long way to dealing with them head-on. Many bullies pick a target they think is weak and won't/can't fight back and they pounce. This is why it is also important that you help your son to be strong enough to stand up for himself.

There is probably a lot that I left out so if anyone reading this has something they want to add, leave a comment. I wish you and your son the best of luck through this ordeal. I pray that he sees it through to the other side because when he does, he will be the stronger for it. Remember, swords are forged in flame.

-Rob

The Silver Fox

At work a few days ago, the subject of Anderson Cooper randomly came up (not an uncommon occurrence there). One person happened to mention him being gay. Another person kind of said, "Wait, Anderson Cooper is gay?" I was shocked that this was news to this person. It's pretty much an open secret, though the news man doesn't talk about publicly unlike some of his fellow news people like Thomas Roberts (openly gay) or Rachel Maddow (openly lesbian). Of course his personal life is his business, as anyone's should be.

I think part of my shock comes from the fact that I'm in a pretty gay media bubble of sorts. I frequent sites like After Elton, Outsports, and others where every once-in-a-while rumours get reported about who is gay and such (for the record, the writers on these sites usually don't believe the rumours...as they shouldn't). I've been doing this for years and unlike most of these, AC has repeatedly come up and combined with the standard "I don't discuss my personal life" statements that he has given lends itself to him hiding something. I guess like the rest of us, he'll come out on his own timeline (unless he gets outed by TMZ or something like that).

The good news is that, closeted or not, he isn't afraid to take on LGBT issues and homophobia on-air.

Shallow note: I've seen a picture of his alleged boyfriend. HAWT!!! Nothing less for Anderson (quite hot himself).

I'm crossing my fingers that I won't get sued for posting this.

Cross-Current: Friends Like These

When I was in grade seven during middle school, this girl and I were really close friends. We were constantly talking during classes we had together and roaming the halls of the school. There was this phenomenon going around the school where two people would share a notebook, write personal messages in it during class, pass it back to their "notebook partner" between classes and they would write back. She and I were notebook partners. It kept middle school bearable (I hated pretty much everything else about middle school). Given how close we were, I was gutted when I found out she would be going to a different school during grade eight. That separation was the bad news. The good news ended up being that the separation would be short lived when we ended up going to school together again for high school.. Those four years were really great, and this friendship was part of that greatness. 

Heritage High School

Those four years, as high school tends to be in hindsight, were also fleeting. After high school as was the case with so many people I knew from those days, even the ones I went to university with, she and I lost touch with each other. These were the days before FaceBook, Twitter, and MySpace. Hell, most people still did not have cell phones yet, so keeping tabs on friends across the miles (everyone going to disparate colleges, joining the military and so forth) was not particularly feasible. Besides seeing people during breaks, most of the months were spent buried in books.

HHS's flag in Iraq (we are everywhere)

And so the years marched forward. College came and went. Friends got married. Some had children. Some moved hundreds of miles away. A few joined the armed forces. We all went farther down our diverging paths in life.

Some years after I had started a FaceBook account (I was a little late to the party on that one), I received a friend request from an unfamiliar name. I looked at the profile and found out that it was her, who I had not seen since we graduated from high school. The name was different because she had gotten married (she also had two or three kids). I was excited that she had looked me up, but that feeling did not last. As I was looking through her profile, I noticed that she had joined some FaceBook groups that were anti-gay (the likes of the so-called National Organization for Marriage, though I do not recall off-hand the exact groups she had joined). I had been on the verge of accepting her friend request. However, after seeing these groups affiliations I ended up ignoring the request instead. I didn't make a pointed decision to do so. It was more that I am not particularly interested in being friends who would have me be a second-class citizen under the law. To be fair, she didn't/doesn't know that I'm gay. Still, I can not consider such a person a friend.

This story may seem a bit out of the blue. There is actually a reason that it was on my mind. Many times, I have heard politicians who have very anti-gay voting records and have made very anti-gay statements say "I have gay friends." I always find this statement strange. Of course there is no doubt in my mind that this is said so that they will not appear to be bigots, but I think that they fail in doing so every time. The latest anti-gay politician to say they have gay friends is the loathsome Rick Santorum.

If you have "friends" against whom you have voted in terms of rights and personal freedoms, how can you  call yourself their friend? How can they consider you a friend? I believe that friends see themselves as equals. Friends want the best for each other. Friends do NOT under any circumstances discriminate against one another or vote against each others rights.

Coming Attractions: Commonwealth Commentary

I had thought I would launch it this morning (after a had actually come up with a title), but I decided to delay it until Monday. Until then, I had to show this:

Flaunt It...Or Not...

I was at a bar last night with some mates when this guy sits a seat or two to my left. He was wearing a shirt that said "Vagitarian." Seriously, and this isn't the first time I have seen this (though it's possible that it was the same guy twice). I honestly had/have no problem with this guy for wearing that shirt (although he looked like a schlub, but that's not because of what the shirt said). What gets me is that if I wore the gay-equivalent of that shirt, some a-hole walking down the street will invariably call me the f-word and some Tony Perkins type of homophobe (if you don't know who he is, consider yourself lucky) will consider it "flaunting my sexuality." Such double-standards I find so incredibly frustrating and annoying. Why is one considered flaunting and worthy of public ridicule and the other is not? If someone could answer that question without giving a bigotted/homophobic answer, I think I would die from sheer shock.

Some people are gay. Deal with it. When we actually do flaunt it, you'll know it:

Another Reason to Loathe Him

I don't watch basketball (especially pro-ball). Sometimes, I get into March Madness but that's about it. I find the game a bit boring (though if you like it, have at it). It's rare that something basketball related gets my attention. This is on of those rare times. From NBA.com:

"The NBA fined Kobe Bryant $100,000 on Wednesday for using a derogatory gay term in frustration over a referee's call.

NBA Commissioner David Stern issued a swift disciplinary ruling after the five-time NBA champion guard cursed and used a common homophobic slur when referee Bennie Adams called a technical foul on him Tuesday night in the third quarter of Los Angeles' win over the Spurs.

"Kobe Bryant's comment during last night's game was offensive and inexcusable," Stern said. "While I'm fully aware that basketball is an emotional game, such a distasteful term should never be tolerated. ... Kobe and everyone associated with the NBA know that insensitive or derogatory comments are not acceptable and have no place in our game or society."

Stern's action drew praise from gay-rights organizations that have demanded a fuller apology from Bryant and the Lakers. Bryant issued a statement earlier Wednesday, saying his words came out of frustration and shouldn't be taken literally.

"We applaud Commissioner Stern and the NBA for not only fining Bryant but for recognizing that slurs and derogatory comments have no place on the basketball court or in society at large," Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese said. "We hope such swift and decisive action will send a strong and universal message that this kind of hateful outburst is simply inexcusable no matter what the context."

Bryant's words and actions were captured by TNT's cameras during the network's national broadcast of the Lakers' regular-season home finale.

Bryant punched his chair before taking a seat on the bench and threw a towel on the court near his feet in frustration after picking up his fourth foul in the third quarter. He got his 15th technical of the season for arguing the call, one shy of the cumulative trigger for a one-game NBA suspension.

"What I said last night should not be taken literally. My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period," Bryant said in a statement issued through the Lakers. "The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone."

Gay-rights groups denounced Bryant's actions. Jarrett Barrios, president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, said slurs are unacceptable.

"Professional sports players need to set a better example for young people who use words like this on the playground and in our schools, creating a climate of intolerance and hostility," Barrios said. "The LA Lakers have a responsibility to educate their fans about why this word is unacceptable."

Bryant has edged right up to the line of serious NBA discipline this season, ranking second only to Orlando's Dwight Howard in technical fouls - mostly for arguing with referees. Bryant was called for an additional technical foul that was rescinded Monday.

If Bryant gets another technical foul in the Lakers' season finale at Sacramento on Wednesday night, he would be suspended for the first game of next season.

The Lakers will open the playoffs this weekend at Staples Center."

Kobe Bryant is someone who, for as long as I can remember, has had this air of smugness around him, like he can do/say whatever he wants and get away with it (at least relatively). Huge turn-off. This incident is just another reason for me to dislike him.